Breaking Through Survival Mode

Ever feel like you're doing everything right but still waiting for the breakthrough? That's exactly where I find myself right now.

After selling my apartment and purchasing a cottage in 2020, I've been in what feels like an extended state of survival. Working tirelessly—sometimes from 5am until past midnight—building my coaching practice, managing social media, and arranging for lodgers, all while struggling to meet basic financial obligations. The irony isn't lost on me: spending countless hours working to maintain a home I've barely had the chance to enjoy.

Recently, I accepted a position as a Creator Network Manager through TikTok, identifying and supporting people who need coaching to grow their social media presence. Yet this opportunity arrived amid financial strain that prevents me from dedicating the full-time focus the role deserves to succeed. I've encountered peculiar obstacles along the way—my creator account mysteriously flagged with a "multi-account risk," my affiliate marketing reaching an audience that couldn't see my products, and promising lodgers backing out at the last minute.

The universe works in strange ways, though. After being told I'd need to wait a decade or more for an allotment plot I applied for in 2020, I received a call offering me one just weeks ago. This small victory arrived precisely when I was questioning whether any of my efforts would bear fruit—a tiny reminder that change happens, even when we can't see it coming.

At 50, I found myself in the humbling position of borrowing money—something I deeply dislike—and sitting through unsolicited life advice from the lender. Yet I remain grateful for my cosy home, for opportunities on the horizon, and for the quiet certainty that this period of struggle isn't permanent. If you're also in that uncomfortable space between planting seeds and witnessing growth, know you're not alone. Subscribe to join me on this journey of transformation, where we'll celebrate the small victories together while waiting for the bigger breakthroughs.

Chapters

• 0:00 Reflecting on a period of change
• 1:38 Financial struggles and borrowing money
• 3:20 The Creator Network opportunity
• 5:20 Living in survival mode
• 9:10 Keeping a roof overhead
• 13:32 Unexpected allotment opportunity
• 15:28 Closing thoughts and hope

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

The life has been in a bit of a stuck space and place. I know that I'm coming towards the end of a time which has encouraged great change, and I know that a lot of what I have been doing since 2023 has been like planting a seed in a pot and letting the elements support it to grow. It's not been an easy time. I look back and I really do not know how I managed to get through from 2023 until now. I will say that it has taken a lot of focus, a lot of commitment. I kept myself busy focusing on building my coaching practice and business, working on social media, promoting my rooms to have lodgers to come stay. Months have gone and there were many times throughout those months where I questioned if I would have the resources to pay my mortgage on time, my bills on time, and so, and most recently, I thought I was coming out of my financial hole, only to find that I was in a position where I had to, or felt the need to, borrow money, something I abhor and in borrowing the money, I had to sit and listen to everything that I needed to hear about myself, apparently from the person who decided, reluctantly, to give me the loan assist me with the loan. In fact, there was a lot of struggles. They'd seen that I'd gone through up until that point. They had actually offered way before I had asked and I thought I was actually seeing an uplift so I would never have to ask. But life happened and I had to go back to ask the question. I was offered a significant amount and I chose only half because in my mind I thought, well, going to pick up, I just need this bit of an injection to move forward. And today I wish I had taken the full amount, because now there is no one else to support this last phase of my journey. Yeah, what's interesting is that I was able to sit and listen to the feedback about myself and, aside from sadness that a person can feel embittered about someone else, obliged. I really didn't take on the majority of what they were saying as much as in me there is a bit of sadness that at age 50, I had to sit and listen to that. It was a choice, but to hear it all the same.

Speaker 1: 2:45

Today I am a creator network manager, an opportunity that came by on TikTok. It's allowing me to take some time to, as they call it, talent, manage, identify people who would want a bit of support, coaching, motivation to grow their brand on social media. Tiktok, primarily the role I was accepted for in April and it seems like a great opportunity. However, life has me scrabbling for finances that I need right now. So, as much as the opportunity is due to bring in finance, I have not been able to commit my time to it wholly and I do believe to succeed at the role, one needs to do it as if it's a full-time post. I attended a meeting last week and the meeting really motivated me to continue. Time has passed and I'll see. So I have recommitted to spending more time on the TikTok platform as I promote my creator network, which works with creators in the UK. I managed to meet an owner of another creator network with a business in the US and through his company I have access as an agency to also work with people from the US. At this moment in time, my focus is on growth working to grow for myself and to be there to support others to grow.

Speaker 1: 4:26

I am in a state of disappointment. I've worked so many hours, so many hours, sometimes five, six o'clock in the morning, seven o'clock in the morning till 11, 12, one o'clock at night for near no returns, with this idea that you know, keep going, keep going, keep going. Things are going to change and we know things will change. But life has some strange ways of bringing change to us. One such example last Sunday I had someone inquire about one of the rooms I was hoping to have a lodger reside in just a few nights a week. And, yeah, I thought he was due to move in within a few days, as he had indicated that he would do, and a day or two before I got a message to say that that move would no longer take place. At the time I had thought that he was the perfect solution to the empty space. It's a very, very small, cosy room, so I knew it would be a certain kind of person that would be attracted to the space, and all the verbal nods were there. But then life changed. But today I am in a space of new beginnings and I'm also in a space of closing down this life.

Speaker 1: 5:52

I've had and have been living of survival. It's been real survival, I'd say most of my life, but these last two years, since 2023, it has been quite harsh. Harsh because, on paper, I have all the wealth I need in the world to be comfortable and to progress, but for one reason or other, it's as if the energy points did not connect, so rooms were available to rent. Often they're empty. I'd be in spaces like social media where money is being made, but for somehow not for me, one of the issues I had in joining TikTok.

Speaker 1: 6:38

As an example, they advertise that you can register three accounts comfortably up on their platform, but actually, I've learned not. There's no warnings or guides as you register. But it seems that when you register three accounts and I registered two for business, registered in the UK and one as a creator account this system or humans or algorithm, I don't know who chose to label my creator account as the business account, which meant when I was trying to grow as a private citizen. I could not because there was a flag indicating and still is a flag indicating that the account has a multi-account risk, and I knew there was a problem for such a long time. I just didn't know what the problem was. Things were not moving as I felt they could or should be, and it's a great lesson and analogy, because sometimes we're involved in things and we don't take time out to get quiet, to really question the reasons for and something just kept on telling me to just be, still, say nothing and just watch.

Speaker 1: 7:57

I started to ask people to stop interacting with my posts. One of the significant factors was I started promoting goods, shoppable content they call it as an affiliate online, and I would notice that I'd be going to these live streams and there was no engagement. No interaction. Not long after I found out that I could only sell to people in the UK and, unfortunately, because I'd spent a lot of time getting really excited about meeting people from America, the majority of the people on my account were from America and or abroad. So I started doing live streams of shoppable content with an audience and connections that would, on occasion, attend a live stream, but they couldn't see the products. They were not my customers. So over many, many months, I started to ask that the US connections not come in. Other things were going on as well. That just did not make sense.

Speaker 1: 8:59

Yeah, and we came full circle, getting the Creator Network opportunity. Mind you, it was last year. I was approached by an agency to join them to help me to grow, and actually the woman who tried to join me had said at that time that I had a multi-account risk or something on my account, which I challenged, never heard back, they just went silent. So it took for me to become a creator network manager. To first I asked to see if I could find my account and I couldn't find it. I had registered this podcast on the platform way before I got my creator network opportunity and that is still going through the process of being accepted or reviewed as to whether a business account can be opened for it or not. That's since April. I got the Creator Network opportunity and within a couple of days that account was opened, way before I had opened or attempted to open the account for my podcast, for my podcast. I now have my podcast account ready to liaise with people in the US as I operate as an agent under a different creator network, and yet my personal account if you can call it personal because it doesn't really belong to me, I just work on it. The creator account apparently still has the multi-account warning linked into two business accounts I closed because I'm no longer operating the business connected.

Speaker 1: 10:33

So this isn't about TikTok per se, you know. This is about how things in life could be going and we might think, flowing and the different blocks and barriers on the way. Part of it has brought me annoyance. Part of it has brought me to a state of wonder and awe. You see, I do not understand why a platform that was blocking me from growth on one account would then offer me an opportunity, like being a creator network manager, which then needed an account for me to open to be able to operate it on the platform. It's a quandary, but we move on. The opportunity gives me an opportunity to meet people that has gone through it like me, people that have had personal lives where, for one reason or their story has prevented them from getting a level of peace, from feeling any sense of growth.

Speaker 1: 11:35

I have a strange dichotomy happening in my life. At the moment I'm seated in my little new-build cottage I purchased by way of a mortgage and part-shared ownership in 2020, after selling my apartment, and the vision is always isn't it to own my house outright at some point? And yet it has been five years graft, even trying to keep a roof over my head. Keep a roof over my head. I acknowledge I'm spending a lot of time and hours working in my home every day, from early morning till late at night, to keep a roof over my head that I haven't been able to fully enjoy. I sleep well at night. My home is comfortable. It's warm the majority of the time. It's a cosy space. It's a welcoming space. I feel comfortable here.

Speaker 1: 12:29

Keeping it and upkeeping it with finances that has been the sticking point. There's so much potential. There's so many things that I can see that needs to be done. Somehow, the shortfall in finance has prevented me from really settling in. It will be five years this year. I can hardly believe it. In a sense, I can hardly believe that, since 2023, where I've been struggling financially, that I'm even still here. Even still here. I'm grateful, but it's something that really hasn't quite settled in my mind that I am actually still here, as much as there are things that need to be done.

Speaker 1: 13:17

And only weeks ago I managed to acquire a plot on an allotment. I registered for it in 2020, the year I moved here, I believe, if not 2021, early 21. And I was told to not be hopeful of getting their plot because they were well sought after. There's a long wait list and it's likely I'd have to wait at least 10 years. I think there was mention of someone would need to, you know, pass away before people were even moved up the list. Yet a few weeks ago I received a call. Someone had attempted to email me and they chose to call to follow up to see if I would be willing to take on a plot that was now vacant. Apparently, a couple had ownership, but they travelled a lot and didn't have too much time to maintain the land, look after the land. The plot itself is not far from here at all, which is interesting because my little cottage has a little garden and I have said on many occasions that actually I need a bit more space so that I can grow vegetables, and so now it's as if I've got an extension to my home.

Speaker 1: 14:30

It was on Sunday, I believe, that I woke up. Really, I'm not going to lie, cursing the universe, talking to spirit You've given me so much, but where is the resources to make it work, to meet the responsibilities? Like? It just doesn't make sense. It's like I'm so close, but so far, and I keep hearing that. I keep hearing that, don't worry, it won't go on like this. You're almost there. It's hard. It's hard, hard because when you're going through it you don't actually know. You don't know as much as you might feel change. You don't know exactly when there will be change milestones, though. I have had milestones where I have been able to talk for myself with a clear heart. Yeah, so that's the update, and I'm hoping that I should have some kind of positive news in a few weeks or two. We'll see. You've been listening to Lita, goddess of Growth, drone on and reflect. Thank you for being here. Do stay safe, stay connected and, uh, yeah, thank you.