Empowerment Diaries hosted by Lita, Goddess of Growth
Empowerment Diaries hosted by 'Lita': Goddess of Growth & Transformational Life Coach
Where spiritual growth meets practical transformation.
Join me, Carleta 'Lita', as I share my journey from a life of struggle and self-doubt to becoming the Goddess of Growth. Through candid storytelling, life coaching tools, and spiritual insights, this podcast is your guide to breaking free from limiting beliefs, embracing your authentic self, and stepping into your power.
Each episode blends personal experiences, actionable strategies, and heartfelt conversations to help you navigate life’s challenges and unlock your full potential. Whether you’re seeking mental clarity, emotional freedom, or a deeper connection to your purpose, *The Empowerment Diaries* is here to light the way.
Your journey to empowerment starts here. Let’s grow together.
Empowerment Diaries hosted by Lita, Goddess of Growth
The Universe Doesn't Give You What You Want Until You Do What You Need
From the darkest corners of childhood trauma to the unexpected lessons of an allotment garden gone wrong, this raw exploration of maternal relationships and self-discovery beautifully illustrates how our deepest wounds can become our greatest teachers.
At 50, Lita finds herself facing financial vulnerability that forces her to turn to her mother for help – reopening decades of unresolved trauma and revealing painful truths about their relationship. The devastating moment her mother admits her fondest memory is of Lita as a happy toddler becomes a catalyst for profound understanding: some people will never see us clearly, no matter how much we accomplish.
This deeply personal episode weaves together parallel stories of boundary violations – from a community allotment where Lita's wishes were repeatedly ignored to the childhood home where her voice was consistently dismissed. Through these painful mirrors, she discovers the liberation that comes from walking away from situations and relationships that no longer serve our highest good.
"I am now coming to the end of what has been a life of survival," Lita reflects, highlighting the pivotal realization that working ourselves to exhaustion in jobs that drain our spirit only perpetuates struggle. Her journey illustrates how aligning with our soul's purpose – even when it seems financially risky – often creates the very pathway to both inner peace and material stability.
Whether you're navigating difficult family dynamics, struggling to establish healthy boundaries, or seeking to transition from mere survival to genuine thriving, this episode offers hard-won wisdom and gentle encouragement. Through tools like Emotional Freedom Techniques and astrology, Lita demonstrates how we can process our pain while continuing to grow. Join her community of healing and transformation – where your story matters and your authentic self is waiting to be reclaimed.
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Lita, goddess of Growth here. It's an interesting thing doing this podcasting. We're using Riverside. I'm looking at a video. I've been on TikTok for a couple of years now, so I've gotten used to using their filters and I don't often get to see my real face. Today I've got a wig on those that are just listening in. Of course, you won't see me. However, I am putting posts up intermittently on TikTok so that you've got access to additional content. I am here to build a network and a community. I'm also here to share stories Share stories that I believe will help with healing.
Speaker 1:I've been reflecting on my journey and I understand that my ultimate desire of getting everything almost perfect and being there to coach others in the space of perfection is probably going to be something that I do not achieve in this lifetime. I am continually growing. I am continually learning, so the space that I am in, 50 years old and let's just say decades ago, I studied topics like psychology, sociology. I did my consultancy in hypnotherapy 2009. Looked at social themes, psychological themes and, yeah, life. We tend to go back to our ancestry, our parenting. No matter how one tries, no matter how one processes as I do with emotional freedom techniques, it gets easier. You understand a lot more. I do study astrology, so there's a lot of acceptance with a lot of things that happened in my childhood and my total understanding of life. But I must admit there are times when things happen and it really does set me back.
Speaker 1:I started this podcast in February. It's a podcast that has been seeded for a long time, even before I came up with the idea of the name Empowerment Diaries. Empowerment Diaries has now been trademarked as of about almost a fortnight ago. I haven't really announced it to anyone as yet, but yes, it's been formally trademarked and I suppose that is significant. The fact that I'm only coming on now to do a podcast might give you an indication as to what has happened in my life in terms of focus.
Speaker 1:So since 2023, I have been, say, career shifted. I understand that my path is to be more aligned with my sole purpose right now. I didn't expect that the rug would be taken from beneath me at a time when I am a self-supporter, paying a mortgage in my first house of my own by way of a mortgage, of course and without job security. But I have faith and, with a bit of guidance, I chose to follow it and go on TikTok and attempt to promote my coaching practice Now hypnotherapy as I said it. Since 2009, I've studied and practiced alternative therapies but never really successfully had a good client base that I could rely upon to pay any bills. So, with the house to pay for in a remote village remote location I do not drive Social media seemed to be the best place to plant myself and try to build my practice, tried to build my practice. The idea seemed really great, to the point I actually thought about doing retreats from my home on occasion. I also have a small three-bedroom cottage, so two-room spare which I advertise for lodgers to reside in. Last year, I managed to take up what's not really a side hustle, but a little bit of something to bring some money in base income, plus commission. And let's just say, since end of the year last year, as much as I've been working long hours doing the side hustle plus attempting to build my presence on social media and not making any money, actually, I have found myself wrong-footed almost every month, losing money, so working towards what I think will be a commission, only for it to go mainly because I haven't met targets, and so, yeah, and that's been going on since.
Speaker 1:Well, just before November, my birthday, I was not in a happy space at all. Everybody wanted to celebrate with me and I actually had a couple of people suggest that they send me on holiday for my birthday. At the time, in the back of my mind, I was thinking to myself well, rather than send me funds or send me on a holiday, why not send the funds so that I can actually pay my bills and pay my mortgage? But in truth, I have had so much support up until that point I didn't say a thing. But my birthday was one with tears. There's been a few birthdays like that, not too many. And yeah, I spent the day baking a cake which actually rested my mind. It made me quite peaceful, and I made a is it fraisee cake. It took the whole day. So let's not digress. I'm just reflecting on you know, bringing you up to date.
Speaker 1:So the months have gone on, keep on losing money and there was a point where my mortgage needed to be paid. I had a decision to be made as to what I can do and finances just basically disappeared, not to cause any more bad feeling, but I had spoken to my mother at the time and she would admit, and many will know that she's not the person I would go to first to ask for any form of assistance. Initially she had offered to assist me and I really prayed on it and I said no and I managed to get a bit of some kind of a relief, let's say. However, within about two weeks, thinking I'm okay, I lost money again. So I had to knock on her door to say ask if the original offer was still available. I was asked by my mother for if I wanted a certain amount, which I was quite surprised with, actually, that that could possibly be available. And then I was like not really half of that pride was with me. Plus, I did have hope that my finances would get better so long as I followed the rules and worked on. The commission put a bit more effort in all that kind of thing. So, anyhow, it was agreed that I would have the amount as a loan, which I'm totally okay with, but that loan came with about almost two hours of me being reminded how worthless, how terrible I am, and those are my words.
Speaker 1:So the relationship my mother and I have there has always been a issue. Since I was a child, a baby even I was seen as stupid, a jackass and poor me one Jamaican heritage. So when they say poor me one, it means someone that's always looking for attention and they're using their wounds or sadness or you know, to get that attention. That's always been her thing about myself, so this two-hour conversation was really just to let me know that you know she's helping because you know she doesn't want me to lose my home. But actually this is what she thinks about me and my life choices and so forth. I sat and I listened and, uh, let's just say, a few weeks later I lost more money again and I was just like this, you know, cannot be happening. And I kept on waking up and hearing ask her again if you could just borrow just a little bit more and offer to pay more interest than the one that you said that you was going to pay before. So I did that. She's not been too well herself, so she didn't respond initially and then, when she finally responded, she explained that she didn't respond because she wasn't well, but then I had another almost two hours of an update about myself. So it turns out that I was a child that was hard work.
Speaker 1:One of the schools which I was sent to I really hated but this is not about me so much, but one of the schools I was taken from. Apparently my mother had gone to the head teacher and was questioning my behaviour because she felt that my behaviour had changed. And apparently she'd asked you know who is it that I'm in the school with that's influencing me? And apparently the head teacher was like no, no, no, miss Blah Blah, it's actually your daughter. That's the bad influence. Now my mother believes that she never told me this, but my memory is always failing me. Told me this, but my memory is always failing me, but I do remember her. There was something that wasn't so great that she had to say about the feedback that was given to me about me at the school and, I will say, the majority of time within school.
Speaker 1:My mother had really good relationships with teachers and they always had something to say about me Never anything good. The teachers that had things good to say about me. I did well in their classes. Those that had nothing good to say about me, in fact, the year before I left my mother's house, I failed the majority of my exams. It was on leaving my mother's house that I managed to re-sit and pass exams. I actually won first prize of a national competition where I was to write 500 words. I remember I was due to get the gift and an award by Ben Ockrey, but I had left home by then and my mother was causing havoc by calling my aunts daily because I decided to move there when I decided to leave her house. So her whole intention was to keep giving them a headache. So eventually one day I'd got home from school to hear that I could no longer stay there. I had to find a hostel to stay in because it was agreed that my mother would stop calling the house if I was no longer there. So that's a whole new story.
Speaker 1:What's this particular episode on the podcast about, actually? It's actually quite nice to talk about it, because I was worried I was going to talk and get really emotional and so. But I suppose I have been processing. So I'm on the call and I'm listening to all the reasons why I'm a bad person and I let her talk and talk and at one point it was like well, you need to change your job, you need to get another job, even if you have to do two or three jobs, you know, at the end of the day, prostitution is better than asking around people for money, and so long as you're not going out and stealing it, and basically I'm just being mindful of exactly what I say. Okay, so basically you're just going to have to stand on your own, and oh, this was it. Basically you're just going to have to stand on your own and oh, this was it.
Speaker 1:And if you lose your home it's no issue, because apparently years ago she'd spoken, we'd spoken to each other and I had said if she downsized it shouldn't be a problem, because there are places that have lifts if she can't walk or so, and I had suggested that, you know, there would be something available, like what my sister lived in. It was a very cute place, had a lift, and so that was a conversation many years ago and it was appropriate for the time. And it's not. She's not the first person I've spoken to about downsizing. Many people of her age, definitely two others that I've definitely spoken to. We've had the similar conversation. One has downsides, moved from a three bedroom to a one bedroom, has a lovely place of a garden. The other hasn't moved at all, but they've spoken about it a few times.
Speaker 1:So apparently the guidance is well, if you lose your home. You can go and stay somewhere where you was telling me that I should stay, because where your sister was she couldn't even swing a cat in it. So if it's good enough for me, it'll be good enough for you. So I was like, okay, so I'm listening to this conversation and there's a whole long list of things that she has against me based on things I'd said well, to her directly and to my sisters because apparently my sis well, I don't want to get into that either but yeah, she, yeah, a whole long list of almost like I was on my judgment day a long list of stuff.
Speaker 1:I was sitting there and I was actually okay. I was actually quite calm because I'm listening, because I'm used to her, I'm used to her, but it was nice on a level to be in a position where I'm in a weak position because I'm asking for help to hear, because she was using that opportunity to tell me what for. At the end of the conversation I said to her I need to ask you, just I need to ask you. So is it the case that you've never liked me? At which point she said there she goes again. You know, because, as I said, she's always had this thing about. I'm a poor me, one right. And I was like, no, no, no, oh, I would let you talk. I didn't interrupt you. And she says, yes, all right, fair enough. And then she said I remember when I used to go and pick you up from nursery, you were so happy to see me.
Speaker 1:I am 50 years old. I think this is the bit that actually has turned my head. I am 50 years old and the best memory that my mother has of me is that when I was a child, a baby, and she used to pick me up from nursery, that I used to be happy to see her. It kind of fits because since I was the age of one, two the age I don't know, but I know that I wasn't walking, as she kindly reminded me. I learned to walk from my sister, who was just under a year younger than I. I've always known her to be very temperamental, very I don't want to use the word fake, but you never knew what you were getting. So I distanced myself very early from her and we all have different coping mechanisms. So I don't want to talk about my sisters and how they coped with it. I will only talk about how I coped with it. I was just very distant, I tried to be polite because I knew there would be a beating if I wasn't. But if I could be away from her as much as possible, I would be and uh, yeah, it's interesting.
Speaker 1:It's been a difficult year because and this is the emotional part, sorry, sorry, it's been a difficult year because the one person in my life there's two, actually, but one in particular that affirmed me, affirmed my existence, affirmed my life experience my aunt, my life experience, my aunt. My aunt who I went to stay with when I first left home at 17. My aunt, who told me secretly that I could go and stay there when my grandparents left the country to return to Jamaica and I shared the news with a friend of mine who then told my mother after I'd left home, caused a bit of a rift and obviously a lot of headache when I left home. But my aunt, who has always affirmed me since I was a toddler, I remember her telling my mother to stop calling me stupid. And there's so many life experiences.
Speaker 1:I remember a time where my mother used to give us pocket money and she was on her own. She was, you know, finances was very low and I don't know mathematics how it all works in those days. But I just started my menses, my period, and she expected the same money that was given before for treats or so to be saved to get personal items. And I was young, I like to spend money, I still do. I spent off the money and I managed to come on my cycle and had no money, so I was using toilet roll, as you do. Hopefully this is not too graphic. Anyhow, she gave me one of her beatings, as you do, and told me to go to the shop to go and get the pads, which I didn't have any money. So my grandmother's house was down the road and I walked from my mother's house to my grandparents house and, yeah, I think the hope was really to get some money, get some solace, and so, and I remember my aunt and my youngest aunt coming back to the house to talk to my mother about you know what's been going on. I think they'd looked at my back because I had marks on my back and so not for the first time, and my mother had opened the window telling them have they come to fight her in her house and all this kind of stuff. And you know my aunts were saying you know what is wrong. You're always like this, like why is it? What is going on? For many years my aunt even my grandmother, when we were young had suggested that my mother get some help and her thing was she's not crazy, they are the ones that's more crazy than she is, she's okay. And uh yeah, my aunts affirmed me when no one else would.
Speaker 1:I've had many a people in my life that claim to love me, really really like me, and actually when you tell the story, they think that you're lying or you're exaggerating. I have a dear, or had a dear, friend throughout my whole life. Her thing has been always respect, your mother is from God. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Totally disrespecting or disregarding my life experience as if it didn't happen, and that's been the majoritying my life experience. As if it didn't happen, and that's been the majority of the life experience because of my culture and background. There's lots of people from my culture and background that have corporal punishment. It's a standard, it's a norm, but what people don't realise is when it goes beyond reprimanding a child to the state of actual I'd like to say psychosis, but I think more sadism.
Speaker 1:And there are things that I wouldn't be talking about on here right now. It was almost like my first sister and I. We were like the punch bag and the release, and for many reasons I'm the first one, so I am the sign of life that could have been. That is no longer. We're both from fathers a father, a father I shouldn't say fathers a father that was of no support at all At least I've been told from when I was age two, and he was violent towards my mother, a lot older, and saved her. She says from her life that she had with my grandfather not related to me by blood. So there's a whole scenario of stories going on there, but I'm not really here to talk about that. What I'm here to talk about is the time at the age of 50, listening to your mother and finally you can hear, finally. I mean I've heard all over the years. You know I've had different things fed back to me.
Speaker 1:People have said in moments of trauma. So there was a time that my first sister went to see my grandmother before she passed away in Jamaica. That was when my grandmother passed away and my mother had joined the trip and it turns out that there was a big bust-up then between my sister and my mother, out that there was a big bust up then between my sister and my mother. And when my mother came back, there was a funeral. Excuse me, there was a funeral that took place for someone that is close to, was close to, my sister, and my mother was overheard saying something derogatory about my sister and apparently feedback is that she had also said and something about me and she couldn't care for me. She can't stand me, but I was told to take it with a pinch of salt and my mother has been very good at pretending and making others believe that she's the best mother, she's really caring, very loving. I am the problem. I am the one that is the problem. She is a difficult person to live with and be with and it's funny, even during this last conversation, that we had times two.
Speaker 1:We were talking about her commending herself to make sure that all her children could read, because, unfortunately, when she came to the country, she had responsibilities to look after my aunts, apparently, and she wasn't permitted to go to school frequently. So her task was one, to keep her children together, because she was left behind by her mother with her aunt, and two, to make sure we had education and her main thing was that we should all be able to read. Now, mind you, I've said I left home with barely any qualifications. I'd failed most of them and I only passed the year after I left okay, so her thing was that she had to work really hard to get me tutoring. So my mother actually saw me as a stupid child because I was very slow in picking things up and I do take a while to really some things I get, but there are other things that takes me a bit of time.
Speaker 1:So I was not comfortable, I wasn't natural at their way of teaching. Whether it be the Saturday school with the Caribbean way, whether it be the English school with, I just wasn't. I just wasn't getting it at all. So I'm really thankful that I did my degree a few years later in business, which included, as I said, psychology, sociology. It included accounts. I did have to take extra maths classes. It included business strategy. So I it was like an affirmation that actually there wasn't anything wrong with my brain. I just needed to be in a space where I wasn't under pressure, always worried that I would have someone that will be happy one minute, which was rare, or very moody, there's always a problem the next, always on edge, never wanting to give you peace, you know.
Speaker 1:So, after I had all the long statement about myself, as I say, I've been doing work, so I listened and I was okay. There's a couple of things that made me emotional the part about her remembering picking me up from nursery. It took me a few days because, remember, I'm sitting there thinking my god, like where am I going to get money to pay my bills now? Like how is this going to happen? I've really been warned if I don't pay my mortgage anyway. But I realise in life sometimes when you're down, there are some people that will come to make you go down even further, and that's okay.
Speaker 1:So I tried to keep balance, you know, I tried to be respectful and eventually I got a bit stronger. Um, to just really try and just get through the day, not knowing what tomorrow would bring, but just get through the day. The pay came and as much as money was deducted, it wasn't as bad as I initially thought it would be. It was bad, but you know I was able to shift things around a little bit. I'm still advertising for rooms to be filled and trying to work out how I can improve my cash flow and yeah, that's why my mind has just been out of it. I've just been trying to get a focus point so that I can. I tend to do better when my mind is relaxed. That goes for cooking, that goes for baking, that goes for creating. When I'm relaxed, things just flow and it's the funniest thing.
Speaker 1:I believe she actually knows, because there was a couple of times she was like oh, I don't want to depress you. I don't want to depress you and I understand a lot, because even within the conversation there was a few things I understand so much more now. So for the majority of my life I was called stupid and jackass and I got to sit down and listen and I came to realise that it was just a projection of what she felt of herself and what she went through because she wasn't able to finish school, and so there was a time when I managed to calm my mind that I messaged her. She'd asked I think she'd sent me some gospel tracks or so to listen to, and it was really winding me up actually, because evidently she decided she wasn't helping me. She'd already said well, you know, sink or swim kind of situation that was. That's my words, not hers. So it was basically get on with it, which is fine. And uh, I just messaged back to say you know, regardless of what anyone has had to say about me, I know I've done far better than anyone predicted or thought, so I really do not have any concerns and I'm not going to concern myself about what anyone has had to say about me. I have faith. Regardless of what happened, I will move forward. Just left it as that.
Speaker 1:In the meantime April, I believe it was I received a call. I received a call from someone I'd never heard spoken to before. Apparently they were trying to get hold of me by email turns out the allotment that I had registered for in 2020, I believe and I was told I wouldn't be able to get it immediately because there's a long waiting list. It could take up to 10 years, because ultimately, usually the way you get it is if someone passes away. Well, I received the call and I was being offered an allotment, a plot on the allotment.
Speaker 1:So I was seated here working and I arranged for my village neighbour to come with me to look at this space, and I believe it was a Sunday. We went to look and when we looked, it was much bigger than I was expecting, because I was expecting something quite small, but it was a very messy space. I was told that there was a couple that couldn't spend too much time on it. They travelled a lot, they didn't have too much time to attend. There would be some requirements to read and clear the plots down, and so and I do remember asking and it could be that my mind wasn't with me because there was another woman there, he was there and the person from the committee I do remember asking, like, how much commitment is it going to take? And I believe I had heard oh, just two hours. Now I thought that meant two hours a week. So I agreed that I would take on the plot, because it's what I was waiting for for so long.
Speaker 1:I wanted to grow vegetables. I wanted a different space. My cottage is a small space, the garden is very small, and I wanted space where I could breathe, be outside and just experience nature, grow some vegetables, and so it's something that I wanted even before moving here and the space just looked ideal. But there was a lot of things that needed to be done and one of the people had suggested that I just weed and wait till the end of the season to cut, like the fruit trees, and sow down, which was fine by me.
Speaker 1:I started going to the plot and the woman beside me she's very good at gardening grows beautiful things, I found out later started coming to almost give me an itinerary of things that I needed to focus on to make sure the dandelion seeds didn't seed to then affect the other plots, plots, and it became like each time I was going to the plot I found I was going to the allotment at different times where I wouldn't see her. She was being very helpful, but I wasn't getting the peace that I had thought I was signing up for in doing the plot. Mind you, the two hours I'd sit aside, thinking it was weekly. I'd go three hours, four hours time would just pass, it would just fly by. I was enjoying myself. I wasn't doing too much weeding. I got myself a special gadget to take the weeds out. You know spending money I didn't have, basically so that I can get to task, so to speak, and I was just finding each time I was going it wasn't enough.
Speaker 1:I'd go and I'd apparently be highlighted that a couple of people had gone and picked some weeds and there'd be a couple of bags or so left on the plot where the weeds were stacked inside. And, yeah, this was like an ongoing theme. So I was actually advertising for a lodger. Someone came, turned out a gardener and we had talked about us sharing the allotment and so because I explained that there was some work to do and it would be great actually to have someone to come, he plays a guitar and I wanted to ask them at the allotment if it would be okay for him to play music there, because there's some houses but there's a big field as well. Just get an idea of what was possible.
Speaker 1:So I've gone the day to pick some of the fruits that had started fruiting and I found a couple at the allotment and I'd mentioned about, you know, potentially I'll have a lodger moving in that Sunday and I was asking about the guitar and I was told no, it's not a good idea because the council's already looking at increasing the price plus the plots. They need to be in good order, blah, blah, blah. Now by this time I was already feeling pressured by the other woman questioning when am I going to get things done? She'd give me this list to include painting the shed, like all these things that I didn't actually sign up for, and it seemed to be that it needed to be done now, not the end of the fruiting season that I was working towards, and the guide's wife had interjected and said, oh, she'd speak. She was speaking to someone I cannot remember who, and they thought it would be a lovely idea for them all to get together to help me get the allotment, the plot, in order. So that sounds good and I said, well, actually, potentially, I've got a lodger moving in, so if it happens, we'll be in a better position to design the allotment, the plot, how I would like it, so to speak.
Speaker 1:Anyhow, a few weeks before then there was someone else that um has a plot and the allotment, and we got speaking and she'd explained that when she first got her plot it was also in a bad way and what she had done is use some weed killer and killed everything and left it for about a year before she was ready to plant anything. So I thought, okay, in that mind space, I thought I've got a bit of time to get things together and do things as I want. I wasn't planning to put Weed Killer around the whole place she had offered to purchase Weed Killer for me and suggested that I put it over the old compost bin and then I would clear it out and she would help me build a new compost bin. So in my mind, the compost bin was one place. I just needed to clear the compost bin. It wasn't easy. I don't drive and I was relying on my bin which I was taking to the plot, taking a few bags, taking back, a slow process, but I thought by the end of the fruiting season, which I predicted would be September, october, surely I would have made some kind of progress.
Speaker 1:Anyway, so this new offer about help on the allotment happened and I got home to receive a message. When I said, yeah, I'll think about it, I got home to receive a message oh, we'd like to do the allotment party on the 4th. So that was just last weekend. Well, I wasn't available. I had work to do, everything was all pre-planned. So I said I'm sorry I'm, you know I'm not able to do that weekend. Mind you, I'd also suffered with really bad swollen feet for a number of weeks. Never experienced anything like it, skin stretching all sorts. Um, I need to look after my health because I do spend too much time seated at home almost seven days a week. But anyhow, I digress.
Speaker 1:So before I knew it, in the main chat a message came out to say the party to clear the allotment was happening the very weekend. I said I couldn't do and something just said to me, to me surrender, just leave them, just get on with it. I had my feet swollen. I had my life going on, I needed to just focus on one thing. Before I knew it, I started to get messages asking let's not exaggerate by asking when am I going to look at the plot as to what others have done, almost like to thank them for doing the work. And no one had actually come to me. So they were going on the plot. This is way before the weekend of the 4th of July, so evidently people had already started to do the work, which is fine, because no one needed to help at all. So it was really nice as a community that they got together.
Speaker 1:What I found was things that I had said I wanted to keep was being cut down, taken away. And long story short final straw the weekend came and I did get a call. I got a call to ask if I could get some give funds for torpoline to cover the main area to prevent more weeds coming up until I was ready to plant there. That was fine. I then had a message in the morning to suggest that I pay for paint to paint the shed. Now, the shed was something that looked like it hadn't been painted for years. It needed a good sand down work and, I think, a bit of filling because there was a few holes in it. So I really wasn't prepared to buy paint and just plaster it. It needed something. So I declined that and a few days before I heard they wanted to build a new compost heap in a different area and I said I wanted the compost heap to go where the existing one is, I just want the existing one. Wound down to three people.
Speaker 1:I was very clear I did not want a compost heap in the new area, that they had decided it would be going in three of them. Each time I said I didn't want it. I didn't want it. Well, they continued't want it. Well, they continued clearing. I wasn't with them. I then came upon videos and the videos showed clearly the compost the new one in the place where I said I didn't want it. Now, mind you, this was about Thursday, I had a message from one of them and they'd said well, where do you want it? Because Friday is the only day I have to do it. At which point I said I don't want it where you all have it, you know, no worries, as in leave it, I don't want it.
Speaker 1:I then learned that this thing had been fixed. So, being the 50 year old adult that I am now, I think I'd left it too long really to talk about my boundaries, way, way, way too long, trying to be polite, trying to be respectful, but it had gone on, you know, too much for me. I decided to go in the group chat to talk about a few things that I wasn't too happy with, about a few things that I wasn't too happy with, and then the tides turned and it became my issue. I'm being ungrateful, yeah, so you had the mother daughter relationship playing out again, basically. So it was interesting. I saw it for what it was and I just asked that I return the key because I didn't want the allotment, the plot, in that way. It wasn't giving me the peace that I thought I was going to get. I thought I was going to have an opportunity to have my own space, be in nature, grow a few things, set up a seating area. I had a nice seating area in mind to put exactly where. They then built this huge, humongous compost bin I had said I didn't want there.
Speaker 1:So empowerment diaries. Empowerment diaries is not just about ha ha, hee, hee, as they say. Like life is a combination of positive and negative. It's a combination of experiences and learning from patterns. I am very much about learning from patterns and I am very aware that my mother relationship was predestined. It was pre-written. We were supposed to go through what we went through even before I came here. My readings in astrology helped me with that. So on a level there is acceptance. On a level there is healing. But that doesn't take away from the point that there are times there is frustration. There can be sadness as well. I'm no longer looking for a mother figure.
Speaker 1:For many years I was seeking mother, mother and I had a number of surrogate mothers and then I realized it dawned on me these people, they're not my mother and no one is perfect. Actually, I can only go by their own children, those that did have children, and their relationships, and I understand that. You know being with someone for a short time and idolizing them as a mother figure is very different to being with them daily and going through that life journey. So I learned, I think, from my 30s, mid-30s, when I got my first mortgage on my first apartment. That was when I fully understood I had to mother myself. You know, when I got my apartment, I do believe many thought it wasn't gonna, it was something that would never happen. Even I, I suppose, even though I persevered. You know the idea that I was going to buy something on my own, get a mortgage. I was being looked upon as if I was in a dream world.
Speaker 1:So when it eventually did happen and it took about two years, of me being quiet, at the time I wasn't talking to my mother and unfortunately, my gummified and I was not talking Basically my mother. So this is a lot happening at the same time, actually now remembering so my mother. That's the time when my mother and my sister fell out due to their trip to Jamaica and my sister telling her off in front of my grandmother. So she came back, even though it was nothing to do with me, but you know, everything's apparently to do with me. She decided that she wasn't talking to me and my grandmother and I. We had a bit of a falling out because it became apparent that my mother had spoken to her about another trip where I was on the island with my mother and she'd come back with stories about me and I had not gone and told my grandmother anything about what had happened on the trip.
Speaker 1:And my grandmother finally realized that actually, you know, it's like my mother's looking for division or so, and what I couldn't understand is how did it take that long for my grandmother to understand, like she's had me since I was a baby, changing my nappies and everything, and so I did lie as a child, I lied a lot to get myself out of trouble. But how could she not tell that something was going on in our household? That just wasn't right. But I noticed, as I've got older, my grandmother reflecting and saying things it's like, okay, but she did know. But I think what was happening. She was in her own world and her own life. She had responsibilities of her own, so I couldn't focus on what was going on with me.
Speaker 1:And when you have a child like myself that didn't tell the truth, when they were avoiding trouble, it's very easy to then believe, or make yourself believe that there's no abuse going on here, but there comes a point when you have to be honest, right. So, come age 35, it's now dawned on me all the people that I had as like motherly figures disappeared from my life, disappeared from my life. Yeah, so I had a long period of, uh, enjoying my apartment. It's funny, though, because I would say, if you spoke to me when I had my apartment, I would be I'd say to you, lovely apartment, lovely area. It wasn't until I moved to this village that I realized how lonely I was in that location. It wasn't a very nice place at all.
Speaker 1:I feel a lot more home at home here, so much so that, actually, when I went to Barbados for a visit and I met someone that I hadn't had any interaction with for 20 years before, when he was talking about marriage and coming to the UK, I was quite okay for him to, for us to do that. It didn't work out. He didn't end up coming, but that's not the point. I really wanted to have some kind of energy with me that made me feel at home. I was not at home there. This house I came to I was expecting for him and I to be here, but I ended up moving in on my own. It's been me ever since, but I'm at home, I feel comfortable here.
Speaker 1:The allotment and giving it back there was sadness, because it was a dream I had for years. It wasn't just in moving here that I wanted to get an allotment. Even when I was in a shared house in Bromley. I wanted an allotment then, but the waiting list was too long, so this is not new. So to finally get it within five years and then be in the position where I had to decide, I can't tolerate this behavior, the lack of respect for my, the lack of respect for my boundaries, the lack of respect for my wishes and what I wanted to do. And, yeah, it was just too much. I'm very much about peace. We have to work. Things aren't just going to happen If I stay in bed. Things aren't going to come to me. The life that I have now. This is the most hours I've worked in my whole life for very little money. I didn't say this year as well.
Speaker 1:Around April time I managed to get myself a role as a creator network manager with TikTok. The opportunity came via my For you page suggesting as I've been on social media for a while, I might want to take the opportunity to open my very own live studio, which involves meeting people, coaching them so that they can monetize on the platform. Great opportunity. It sounds great and what I like about it is the opportunity to coach, to help people to tap into their story and build a new persona online that can build their following. Who knows, they might build their own products, services, their own identity, their own brand, maybe even help people to be self-sufficient what I've been trying to achieve for myself for the last couple of years where you don't have to go to anyone else for money. You can actually go and you know self-generate, you know give, get funds from doing your services and so. But again, I joined that in April, started the course.
Speaker 1:I know they say you shouldn't compare yourself to others, and this is my thing that I need to work on when I am walking through my life. I'm not competing with anyone because I know no one that wants to do what I do. So that in itself is a blessing, but I do often look around and see that it just seems easier for those around me, even though I know everyone has their challenges. So I don't want what people have. I would just like a smoother road to get the little that I would like for myself. So there's people that have joined and they did their course, and I've heard there's people that's recruited hundreds of people within a month or so. I haven't recruited anyone. I'm still trying to network, meet people.
Speaker 1:The opportunity is such that I'm a creative network manager and I support people free of point of delivery. So TikTok works by helping me support others so that they can monetize. Whilst they're monetizing, tiktok will pay me a percent of that person, what that person earns, but not from the person's earnings. So if I make it make sense, so if we're talking about a dollar or a pound for each one, the creator gets 30, the 70 goes to the platform and from that 70 tiktok will pay the creator network and the third party fees, so the creator doesn't have to pay for any support at all to grow and monetize on the platform. But even with the offer of free coaching, I'm still not getting people sign up. People come forward but there's no follow-through. So it is a. It is something that I am to really work on and manifest and focus on, and today I've come full circle again and I know I need to focus on building my coaching practice. Again. I let it go because finances became prime. Finances became prime. However, my life keeps reminding me, if I don't do the work, if I don't share my story, if I don't progress and help people to identify their story, my life is going to continually be stuck by some kind of block, whether it be finances, housing, health. So I need to, for my own well-being, keep moving forward, creating spaces for coaching, creating spaces for storytelling.
Speaker 1:Empowerment Diaries is here. A few weeks ago, a publisher contacted me and asked if I could consider doing an interview with a writer. You know, when I took on this Empowerment Diaries, I wasn't actually intending on interviewing anyone. In my mind, I was thinking of Fraser. I don't know if you remember Fraser that we used to watch I'm not sure what year it was recorded, but Fraser was something I enjoyed watching. And Fraser, yes, he had moments where he interviewed people, but I really like those almost like Sleepless in Seattle moments where he was kind of like and I know I'm mixing up what you know movies and so but there were some times when he was doing his radio show, when it really was just him, and I did like the times when people called in. But then I thought, with Buzzsprout, you do have an option on here where you can do a podcast and you can build up a community and it is possible for the community to tap in and leave their story, leave their comment, and I could respond in that way. So that was the plan really and build it up that way.
Speaker 1:However, if there is people out there that want to be on air with me and share their story I am very good at picking up patterns and I do it a lot for myself and for others. You know it's not about taking on hardship and sadness always. It's important to acknowledge our sadness and disappointment. I'm not into fake positivity. I like emotional freedom techniques because we can actually use it to feel what we feel and in feeling what we feel, acknowledging what we feel, we can move on.
Speaker 1:The person that affirmed me throughout my whole life. She's not well at the moment so she's no longer in the position to affirm me, but even throughout her time of not being well, I went to see her and immediately she's reminding me of what I've been through and with my mother, and explained that they told her to get help and it's just so nice to be with people that affirm your experience. There's been others that saw my experience and it's almost like they disconnected. So on one hand they've seen it, but then it's almost like it didn't happen. They just quash it and I think sometimes our brains are like that. So my mother has this thing where she is now of the opinion that young children shouldn't look after young children. Now I am the eldest child. My youngest sister that was in the household is eight years younger than I. There are times when my mother speaks I really do believe she forgets that there's only an eight year difference between the two of us, and it's almost like when you see on the news you hear stories about young black children that are children but for some reason the media makes them out as if they're adults. That's how it is.
Speaker 1:When my mother describes me in childhood, it's almost like I was an adult, malicious person or being in her environment. For example, I did a music class. I had a teacher I do vaguely remember his name. I had a teacher I do vaguely remember his name and we did a couple of shows. There was one where, for the BBC, I was required to speak whilst I played the organ and so, and he wanted me to do music lessons, and so my mother had said no, which is fine.
Speaker 1:One day I remember being in the old family house and I picked up the phone and I distinctly remember the person saying Hi there, what have you got on today? And I thought it was my teacher and I said, oh, I don't know because we're going to just an innocent conversation, and it was only within a little time I realised he wasn't talking about what we were doing today. It took a very dark turn and I tried to call my mother and she just looked at me and shook her head as if I was the one that was at fault for having this guy call the phone, and in my childhood mind I thought it can't be my teacher, that can't be my teacher. Anyway, it turns out I found out just the other day that apparently, him calling the house had a huge effect on my youngest sister. So because over the last, I think, year to two, my mother has been filtering this information to me of all the dissatisfaction that she has had, it's almost like me, getting this house has brought her more reminders of how crap I am, so to speak. So one of her things is that I made my younger sister become a recluse because I had my teacher calling and giving dirty calls to the house.
Speaker 1:At which point I asked her so why didn't you change the number? Remember I left home at 17. Why did you not change the number? At which point she said she didn't want to change the number, which is really weird because as a child she used to change the number frequently. Many times the phone would ring. She'd tell us not to answer the phone. I hated answering the phone because one you had to pick up the phone, then you had to relay a message, and I was never very good at relaying messages. I listened to stories and when I listen to her stories and what she's relaying on my life, I look like I'm a liar because I don't agree with what she's saying. For example, as a child, we went to brownies. It was the thing that people did. She'd mentioned that we went to guides and I said no, we didn't go to guides. We left before then and it was was like I don't know, why do you do this? Ie, I don't know why you lie, why do you do this? I said I don't, we didn't go to guides.
Speaker 1:Then there's a scenario where my sister's friend had got me a job for a company and I had this issue with the woman that was supposed to be training me kept on hiding something that she was supposed to do as a final process. I could never get the process, no matter how much I tried to write it down and, being naive at that time, I was telling my mother anyway, I got sacked from the role. Now she's saying to me that apparently I got sacked because I decided I was going there and not doing the job, which is definitely not what happened in that role, little things like that. But I didn't argue with her. I'm talking now about it, but I just let her talk. So it does get to the point where you're like actually, you've got these stories in your head. They're not me, but that's what you're telling yourself.
Speaker 1:I moved here in in 2020. She kindly came with me. I paid for us, I got a chauffeur to take us here because it worked out the same as getting a taxi, and the person I thought I was going to be moving with wasn't here and I was really so happy because she didn't visit my apartment. She only visited my apartment when I was announcing that I was moving before then. Oh, and when I was announcing that I was getting married before then, she didn't come, remember. There was a number of years we didn't talk and she came to my home to help me pack, which was really good, I needed the help. She came here on the move your day. I had three men in the van to come help move, but she helped me come and put things away, and so so that Christmas I had her come and that was the very first Christmas we spent with each other and I did my best to make sure that everything was catered for. And you know, we were working from home. It's pandemic time 2020 and we're working from home and everything. And I was like okay, look, are you going to go home or are you staying? Let me know, because if you're staying, I need to know what you're going to be doing whilst I'm working, because whilst I'm working, I will not be able to talk to you, I will not be able to be with you. Oh, no, no, no. She says I'm going to go home.
Speaker 1:So the next morning I wake up ready. My plan was to take her to the bus stop because she decided she didn't want to get a car home, even though I had offered to pay for one. She doesn't. She didn't want to be in a car on her own. She'll just get the bus and then make her way. I live in an area where there's four buses a day. When you miss one, it's four hours for the next one. I came downstairs and I do remember now, as she's reminded me, she wasn't ready, but we had a limited time. Within an hour she needed to be ready and at the bus stop and I took the heavy suitcase to the bus stop so that she wouldn't have to take it, and when I was turning around she was on her way.
Speaker 1:So apparently her story in her mind is that she will never come to my house again because I woke up in the morning and basically kicked her out of my house, took her suitcase and dragged it to the bus stop and actually she knows it's my house, but I should have waited for her to leave Now. I had no idea that there was this bad feeling about the stay. I thought she had a lovely time, did all the cooking, all the looking after. I thought she understood I needed to be at work, all of that stuff, and I had no idea, because I think it was a year or two. Later she came here with a friend of hers and stayed a couple of nights as she picked up a small table that I had said that she could have. So she's letting me know in this conversation that she will never come back to my house again. She only came because she had something to pick up. But based on her experience when she came here and I kicked her out of my house and took her luggage to the bus stop she will never come here again. Oh dear, yeah, but it's okay, I can imagine.
Speaker 1:Now she's been saying this story to a number of people and I've been here thinking, oh, we had such a lovely time. And over the years I have asked her to come. She has often said, oh, she doesn't know where she's gonna go, because you know she doesn't want to go and bother anyone. I said you can come here and she's never told me the reason why she's not wanting to come. But now I know it's fine, ah, but yeah, so I've not been podcasting. Hopefully you can understand why there's some elements of it that I probably need to be a bit more resilient. I'm actually proud of myself because years ago I couldn't even be here and feel as relaxed as I am. Yes, there's elements of sadness with some areas, but I'm here and I'm ready to move forward. I'm ready to hear your story and I'd love for you to feel comfortable to come and tap in.
Speaker 1:I read astrology almost every day. It helps me greatly. I'm also very good at looking at patterns and even when you know we have to feel our sadness, it's not a case of understanding oh, this was supposed to happen and you're in a season of change and, yeah, you're supposed to still feel what you feel. When my money disappeared 2023, I knew it was going to happen. I just didn't know how it was going to happen. And because I knew it was going to happen, I did so much to get my place ready to see if I could rent the rooms out. But I understand when the universe has put a block on something, there's no much trying that's going to make it happen. Things that would seem really easy and straightforward at one season is just not happening in another season.
Speaker 1:Sometimes life forces you to just stop so that you can be molded into where you are to be. You know I was thinking about coaching. Now, many people excuse me, many people take up coaching because they want to become a great sprinter, a great writer, singer, like there's this idea that you're moving from this space where you are now, to another place of excellence. You're moving from where you are to where you want to be. Actually, my belief is a lot of this journey is to really remember our core essence. Our journey is to go back to ourself. We're not being coached to be something other than ourself. Yes, you might need to be coached to lose weight and to refine certain techniques and tools and so, but ultimately, the path that I am on, the journey that I would like to have with you, is one of remembering, the one of reclaiming the true you, and I do believe, once you've reclaimed that purpose, that essence that you, life feels like life that is bearable, more than bearable. I know for myself.
Speaker 1:I am now coming to the end of what has been a life of survival. It has been survival. This is my second mortgage now and I'm telling you it's been a lot of work. I work, I don't get a chance to enjoy my home as I would like, because it's work, work, work, and then you get to the end of the month and you still do not have the funds you need to cover everything. It's a lot of work and I understand I need to shift to do more of what I enjoy, because what that what I enjoy is where the funds will come from. Doing what I do not enjoy is where I'm doing a lot of hours for nothing. Nothing is coming forward. So it's a recommitment to self. It's coming back to self. If you have to study astrology, I'm even happy to look at the chart with you. I'm talking about soul collection, now Soul connection.
Speaker 1:I am not an example of perfection at all. I am still learning, but I have a maturity and a wisdom and an understanding I can call it out now. I can see bullying at a distance. My mother prepared me for life. My mother prepared me so well that when I see people coming with their nonsense, I can see it ahead of time.
Speaker 1:You know the woman that built the compost bin that I asked her not to put in the place that she put it. Her stance was I was being ungrateful that she will never help me again, that she will help people that want her assistance in the future, because she had to spend from seven o'clock in the morning till 10 o'clock building this compost bin. Remember I told her I didn't want it there. And for the second time in our communication she had an apology which was something to the effect of I apologize if you felt you know those apologies, that's not an apology. Like I let the first one slide, but this time I was very clear. I was like this is the second apology, that's not an apology. I'm like okay, I've already handed back the key, there's no more need for you to communicate with me.
Speaker 1:There's an energy that people have. It's like they're known bullies, known bullies, but you can see it from a distance. I am NOT in that space. I don't have that energy. And it's good, because years ago I would have persevered and still kept the plot, tried to prove myself. People, please, and keep going, even though I wasn't happy. Can you imagine? I took on the plot and there was a time that I was leaving here five, six o'clock in the morning to get there, so that the woman the other woman didn't see me to come and give me guidance on what to do. I don't mind getting help, I don't mind asking others, but it was becoming almost like I was working for somebody and even the help with the allotment. It was as if the long list of things that she had that she thought I should be doing that's what she was putting in place and just changing things to suit her liking.
Speaker 1:I had one scenario where one plot owner I purchased this gadget, which I found online. I looked online, I did my research what's the best thing to pick up weeds? And I found a gadget, paid money I didn't have for it and and got it. So he saw me taking out the weeds and then he got annoyed, saying that what I was doing I was breaking up the weed. I wasn't taking the whole root out. Now this thing was taken out, part of the root. So he was telling me you need to get a fork. Get a fork and do it. And I thought I'm just going to ignore this guy and just keep doing what I'm doing. So he came with his fork and when he came and dug his bit to show me how a fork is used, actually I was getting a root out with the tool I was using.
Speaker 1:He wasn't getting a root out and the reason being the previous owner had put some black mesh which apparently is supposed to suppress weeds, and what was happening was the roots for this weed was under the mesh so no amount of fork would have taken that out. The whole lot of the black was was to come off, but my tool was at least breaking some of the root away. At no point was there an acknowledgement that, okay, I get it. All that was said was oh, they shouldn't have put the black down and it was that kind of pulling, you know. No peace, no boundaries, no respect, nothing, not what I signed up for. But yeah, so I'm on another month, it is July, and I am going to be podcasting a lot more. Hopefully it won't be a complaining session as I've had this time.
Speaker 1:I really just wanted to update, you, put in a bit of honesty and I really wanted to share that. You know, even at 50, there are some parental issues that can still be present, and what I think is quite good is that at least I have an acknowledgement, because when I was a child, the amount of people that kept on saying oh, you know your mum really loves you. You know your mum really loves you. You know I was really the problem child. But you know, leaving home at 17 and finding a life for myself, it wasn't perfect, but I did so much that no one expected me to do. Even now, then you have to question well, what was that all about? And it seems that when I need assistance, this is the time when people want to come forward to let me know how rubbish I am or have been. It's almost like because the message from my mother has always been you're not lovable, no one likes you, I'm the only one that will bother you and I can't stand you.
Speaker 1:And she has had this try to do this divide and rule between my sisters and I. So what happens is I and my sisters well, one in particular will have conversation and then, for some reason, my sister will go and talk to my mother. Then my mother will come back to let me know what my sister has said, just to make me aware that actually you think you've got people on your side, but they're not on your side because they tell me everything. And she's done that with my godmother. Like everyone that is close to me, everyone that is close to me, she's done the same thing. The only ones that have told her not to try it is my two younger aunts. My youngest aunt will say she doesn't want to hear it, but every single buddy in my life, everyone. She will have something that she'd need to say about, to tell them about me, and she has really loved telling me over the years. You think those people are for you, but they're not for you at all. They're just laughing in your face. They're not for you at all. And in truth, I do know that things have been said. I don't know because I only speak to a handful of people to the point where I know who I've spoken to when she's telling me something and I'll just stay quiet, who I've spoken to when she's telling me something and I'll just stay quiet. I could have been the person to call someone or knock on someone's door to say why did you say so and so? But I've learnt if you don't want people to talk about what you've said, just don't say it. But if you're happy to stand by what you've said, just expect it to come back to you.
Speaker 1:Freedom is what we're going forward to now and this is actually the longest podcast I've ever done. So this is interesting, longest episode I've just uh, paid to extend on riverside. I do find it more convenient to do it on the paid. Um, I'm hoping bills will be paid as we go along. I also have a paid subscription on Buzzsprout. What I will be doing is doing more posts on TikTok, where I'll be hoping to attract a community and a following that will be able to invest in my presence on this podcast. Empowerment Diaries is the space where I'm hoping to connect with others.
Speaker 1:I'm not looking for the people that think that they know it all or are very keen on belittling experiences. I understand all experiences are important and these stories that we tell ourselves, these are the stories that prevent us from being the best that we came here to be. I don't know what it is that is in me. When I was born, no matter what anyone said about me, there was always something in me that just persevered, just continued, blocked them out. I don't compete with others when I have people around me. That's in competition. I just take a step back. I take a step back because the majority of people I know I don't want what they want at all. I don't want what they want at all. I don't want what they want at all to have a mother who will say clearly well, her ambition for us was not really for us to have a degree. You know, she's not really bothered about that at all. It was just for us to be able to write.
Speaker 1:You talk about your house. Well, you're in a retirement home and you're not retired. You've got 20 years left to go and work. You need to think about living somewhere else. Get your driver's license and go and get a job. You know someone that really isn't tucked into where your soul is meant to be and and I know my mother is just playing a mirror to whoever is around me and I know the more in alignment I am in, the more in alignment I am, the more my life reflects my soul energy. I'm struggling now because I'm not doing fully what I'm here to do. The more I'm here doing what I am here to do is, the easier life will be. I get it. Don't let anybody else's story stop you. Someone else's story can stop your seeds, whether they be spiritual or physical, from even getting a vision, a hint of the sun on them.
Speaker 1:Emotional freedom techniques I really highly recommend that will help us including me continually tap into our belief systems. There is sadness because I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed in my life journey that brought me to a space where I had to go or felt I could go, or had to go to my mother for money, which opened the doorway for her to tell me about myself. But I am thankful that I was given her that opportunity Because I know really all what she had to say about me is really not true and is really not about me. A lot of what she had to say about me she was really just talking about herself. She had her own trauma to to get through. But it's unbelievable to me that her first two children in particular. She made us suffer for many years and for me my judgment is in all that suffering. She doesn't take time now to think hold on a minute. I put them through a lot. Let's, let's, let's balance it out.
Speaker 1:But maybe the balancing is lending me money. I mean, you know she lent me the money and it was like a reminder that the money is for her funeral, if she was to pass and make sure that I get it back to her, because what she doesn't want is my second sister, who earns the most money, to feel that she needs to pay the money, that she knows that she's already lent to me that kind of thing. Now, when I took the money, I know within my house the money is there. So I thought, worst case scenario I just have to sell my home. But I will. When you're desperate for something, I wanted to keep my home, so I thought I'd borrow the money. But then she reminded me well, if I died today, it could take you months to sell your property, which is the truth. So it's not money that I would be able to get quickly to pay back.
Speaker 1:So one of my focuses at the moment focus point I'm really shifting to earn some Now the creator network opportunity. I have been reliably informed there is money to be made there but, as I've said, I haven't really made any progress with that as yet. So I will need to be on social media a lot more and because I am also doing other things to make money to pay the bills, I haven't had the days and the opportunity to give the full-time energy that's needed to make the business a success. Something has to shift, because I can't do my days doing things I don't want to do for money that I keep losing, versus not doing and putting energy in things I want to do. But because I'm not putting the energy into those things, there's no money from those things that I enjoy doing. I enjoy coaching, I enjoy even being on social media and having that connection, community and yeah, oh dear.
Speaker 1:So you've been listening to Lita today and I hope someone is going to put a comment or two on this podcast. I've not yet had any interaction, but then I haven't been posting. I would like to meet some people to make it a lot more interesting to myself and just as a sign really that I am doing the right thing, that I'm putting money where it needs to be, especially when I know that I've got bills to pay at this time. Um, yeah, so thank you, you are with Lita, goddess of growth, and it is about growth at this time, my own and yours.
Speaker 1:And on the bottom of this podcast I do have links like to London or Tropics and Soul, where I can make a little bit of a affiliate income. That's always helpful. Soon I will be promoting coaching again and I would like to start talking up again one or two nights day as a form of retreat for women where we can do some soul work together, look at the ancestry, the connection and do a bit of work for healing and transformation. It's transformational life coaching. So I will combine hypnoanalysis and some pattern work to help us all really move forward. Oh, we need to do a meditation, and I will be starting to do that as well, and maybe a few affirmations, but for this particular podcast. Thank you for listening and have a great day going forward.