The Drought That Shaped Me: Finding Sovereignty in Life's Darkest Seasons

The turning point came when I couldn't pay my Wi-Fi bill. After decades of responsible financial management, I found myself at 50, alone in a three-bedroom cottage, watching my resources completely disappear despite my best efforts. This wasn't the comfortable, settled midlife I had envisioned as a child.

My journey through what astrologers call a "Pluto square Sun" transit stripped away everything I thought defined me—financial security, partnership, even my sense of pride and purpose. Family members urged me to "get a real job" instead of pursuing coaching and content creation. Yet something within kept pushing me forward, planting seeds in seemingly barren ground while enduring judgment and isolation.

The paradox was that while I knew intellectually what this astrological transit might bring, I fought it every step of the way. I decorated rooms for lodgers who never came, promoted services that attracted few clients, and tried desperately to maintain appearances while my foundation crumbled. What I didn't realize was that no amount of effort would accelerate me through this necessary season of transformation.

Only now, emerging on the other side, can I see how those difficult years prepared me for new growth. From the depths of that struggle came my podcast, a creator network aptly named "Sovereign," and a clearer understanding of my purpose. The seeds planted in darkness are finally beginning to sprout, not because I forced them but because the season has naturally begun to shift.

This episode explores the delicate balance between fate and free will, the power of honoring rather than resisting life's seasons, and the often invisible nature of our most significant progress. As my grandmother wisely said, "We have come from far"—a simple yet profound acknowledgment of the journey.

Whether you're currently navigating your own difficult season or witnessing someone else's struggle, this raw conversation offers perspective on finding sovereignty through surrender, recognizing the divine plan behind our challenges, and giving ourselves grace as we become the best versions of ourselves.

What season are you in right now? And are you fighting it or honoring it?

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Chapters

• 0:00 Goddess of Growth Introduction
• 3:22 Time and Season Message
• 5:55 Astrological Transits Since 2018
• 9:30 Moving Homes During Pandemic
• 16:10 Pluto Square Sun: Identity Crisis
• 22:50 Turning 50: Birthday Reflections
• 29:45 Seeing New Growth: Seeds Planted
• 34:13 Honoring All Seasons of Life

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Lita, goddess of Growth, here, and thank you for having me in your space. Hope you're good. The last time I was here recording, I felt as if I was going through a little bit of a breakdown. I was quite emotional and I would actually describe it as some kind of birthing process. I've never given birth, but I liken it to the idea of the baby's head crowning. Can't go backwards. There's no going back, only forwards, but not quite knowing where forward will take us. And I've had some time to really think about things and consolidate. Even when we are told what might be going through, a thing can be so different to what we think based on real experience. I'm 50 now. In fact, we've gone past 50, haven't we? It's July, not long to go until I'll be 51.

Speaker 1: 1:16

I know that since 2018, I've had significant transits yes, we're talking about astrology now significant transits that have been key to the very real changes and difficulties, struggles that I have been through. Well, since then, really, I would say all my life, but this what I've been through I would say all my life, but this what I've been through, it's very new to me. I was almost forced to really stand on my own. I had help along the way I cannot deny the fact even unexpected help. But often in between I had to rely on myself, tap into my intuition, tap into little to no resources. I've learned to tap into my voice. I've gone through a drought where resources completely disappeared and this was the hurrah of turning 50. Not what I was expecting at all as a child. I would observe people in their 50s and to me my memory serves that they always seem to be quite comfortable, settled. What a difference life has been for me, and I know others are going through it. Mind you, I just didn't expect it to be me, given the life that I have lived up until now. And I've also come to the realisation that often my progress is invisible. I don't acknowledge progress often. Sometimes it takes quite a lot for me to realise how far I've actually come. And in that message I hear my grandmother, when I went to see her in Jamaica many years ago, before she passed away, in Jamaica, many years ago, before she passed away, and she sat there and said we have come from far. Impactful, of course, but I'll say it here we have come from far. And she would say we've come from far. You know, yeah, we were not born rich. We came from far, worked very hard to get where we are, very hard to get where we are.

Speaker 1: 3:49

A main message I'd like to share on this empowerment diaries is one of time and season. It's a time and season message that I have been talking about for a number of years, but I realise I didn't fully embrace it, and when I say I didn't embrace it, I read about what would be happening with myself, tapped into astrology forums and all sorts, and I tried to go against what I was being told. No, I wasn't going to find myself without finances, so I took time to decorate my home, prepare two rooms to have lodgers or a foster person. I started promoting my business in 2022, 23. So many things I did to avoid the many hard experiences that I have experienced since well 2018. Hard experiences that I have experienced since well 2018, significantly from the end of 2022 until just recently. The final crescendo, the final point, I suppose, was just a few weeks ago, finding that I wasn't able to pay for my wi-fi. I thought, wow, all these hours spent social media and doing other things to earn an income, pay my mortgage and so and I was still falling short and in a way that I've not fallen short, for I couldn't, since I was a child, basically 50. So if we're talking about astrology and I'm mentioning astrology for those that do read astrology I personally think we all should. As much as they say that, you know it has no influence in our life, I've actually realized that there is something about an ebb and a flow to do with our astrological charts. For me personally, since 2018, there was significant changes which resulted in me trying to rush to get married so that I could at least have an opportunity to try for a child of my own.

Speaker 1: 6:06

I focused very much on looking at my foundations. I had a one-bedroom apartment. I was in an area that I was in for many years, In fact. In total, when I left there, it was 11 years and three months where I actually, in the location, was quite isolated and quite lonely. Often I didn't feel lonely at home, but within the job I had taken on the first one in particular, I didn't really feel accepted or welcome. As much as I made associates and friend connections from it. I had it, in a sense, that things needed to change and, in regards to my apartment, I needed to change home for various reasons. My very first purchase. It didn't how can I put it? The plan was as you do you get your first home and you want to pay off a certain amount and then invest into a new property and so forth. Things were not as smooth, but, to be honest, if I reflect, things were a lot smoother than they have been since moving to this home. I'm in now since 2020. I'm in now since 2020. I could feel the shift from 2018 and I was reading my chart and reports.

Speaker 1: 7:35

Not being an astrologer myself, I tend to read software and because I've had great experience, especially before my 40s, it was something that I learned to take heed on. I wanted to have partnership. I knew I was going to be working from home. I didn't know how it was going to work out. A second job I had taken on in the area had advertised that they were looking into work from home, but by the time I took on the role I started in I believe it was the April and by the September, they'd announced that they were not going to, you know, use the work from home opportunity. Ironically, so this was inically, we know what happened next.

Speaker 1: 8:32

Within months, the next year, the pandemic hit us. I was fortunately in place. So when the pandemic hit in March and they announced that we were to work from home, it was okay to take the laptop and do that home. It was okay to take the laptop and do that. Interestingly, that very week of being told about a lockdown, that very week was when I received an offer to purchase my apartment. So the first year of the pandemic, the first few months I spent working from home full-time and attempting to get the sale of my home and the purchase of a new one. I found this new home that I'm in now in April, so it wasn't long at all, but it took until the September to finalize things. I didn't see my home until the day that we exchanged. I found my home online. If you remember the pandemic time, we were not allowed to leave our homes and I think they released us in the sense that we were able to go off in ones or do. I think there was a time that we were able to go outside when I moved. I think there was another time that we were able to go outside when I moved. I think there was another lockdown that they had put in place, actually, but they gave us some kind of a license for those people that were going through a transaction like a sale and purchase. So, yeah, I moved.

Speaker 1: 9:58

At that time, I didn't realize that the transit that I was going through Pluto conjunct IC in 2018 was clearing ways and spaces for me to go through this next part of my journey, where everything, everything was due to collapse. Everything that I knew and it's the strangest thing to have, I believe, the universe give me a home, a cottage, a three-bedroom, and to find that I'm on my own. I was married, but my husband couldn't come here and our relationship had really just ended. On me moving into this home, I found myself with a new plan. I had a home I didn't know that I could even get, but I was fortunate to. I did it on my own, without the help of a husband or anyone other than hands of God, so to speak, and the husband I thought that was going to be joining me was no longer joining me. I had spoken to him about putting myself forward to do fostering or getting lodgers, and so, so I evidently went on to pursue those ideas, even though he wasn't joining me, because I always had in mind that we needed another plan as a couple to make an income. So, yeah, sold my first home in 2020 and moved to the cottage that I'm in now, a little village in Somerset, and there began my Pluto square son, my Pluto square sun.

Speaker 1: 11:44

It's said to be a deep transit, where one has an identity crisis, where one feels powerlessness, experiences the death of the ego, where one experiences changes in career, their ideas of love, money, finance, their ideas of relationships, not because of lack of effort, but due to timing. The time was about exposing all the illusions and ideas in all those areas and throughout it all, I persevered, I tried to make the best of what came my way, and throughout it all, there was a sense of invisibility. There was a sense of being there but not being seen. I kept pushing, I kept showing up. That meant, even on days when I had no idea where money was coming from, continually showing up online. Tiktok was the place attempting to attract people to coach that would actually pay me for the service that I was offering.

Speaker 1: 13:12

There were times when I felt I was making great progress and then other times I'd realised I'd not really moved much at all. Always a forward action and a backward action, and through it all, I found, because I was sharing what was going on. Lots of judgement, lots of judgment. Sisters, nieces, everyone thought that I was wasting my time. Find a real job, they said, forget about social media. I was still showing up. I was still sowing my seed. No one saw the seeds and often I didn't see it. I just had this inner calling. I suppose this drive to tell me keep going. Occasionally, someone would come up in my space and encouraging me to keep going on, keep going on, keep going on, until I got to the point of realising that even their encouragement was of no help, because there were things that were going on that I was missing.

Speaker 1: 14:22

Towards the end of the time so we're talking about 2024, I started to realise as much as I was showing up, there were things that showing up was not going to change showing up. They were things that showing up was not going to change, or things that showing up was not going to make happen any quicker than they were to happen. 2022 to 2025, we've got what they called my exact Pluto square sun. When I read it, I was anxious that I was going to lose my home. That was the only thing that was on my mind. Even now, I feel emotional about it. I had no idea that it wasn't just the foundations of my home that would be rocked. My sense of pride, my sense of honour, my reason for being all of it tested and challenged.

Speaker 1: 15:26

It was a really dark time. Actually, on my 49th birthday it's when funds really went down and I was forced to live on a minimum. But I had hope and faith that I would definitely find lodgers to fill the space, to fill the space not just in my home but in my finances. And it was a few days before my birthday when I woke up and I heard a voice telling me that no lodger was going to come. I got out of my bed and I went into my en suite shower. I felt like I was almost going to have a panic attack. I was like, no, did I really hear that? Was I dreaming? Was it a nightmare? Like what was it? I could not believe it. At the time. I had people calling me, telling me about my birthday, almost letting me know that I was being ungrateful because I didn't want to celebrate and, you know, telling me that I needed to make an effort A niece had arranged. Actually, on my birthday we sat together and we shared a cake. That was nice. That was a nice experience.

Speaker 1: 16:44

I'd gotten over the shock of it all of knowing that I wasn't going to have the finances I need to move forward. I don't know how I did it, but I suppose because I had a good payment history. I was able to negotiate with my creditors, organise payment, holidays and delays and so forth, on the promise that I am advertising my space so I should be getting income soon. Income soon Roll forward to July 2024. I managed to take on a part-time post to increase my income.

Speaker 1: 17:28

I was barely afloat by this point, felt as if I had no choice because, if we all have choices, at the time a little god brother of mine had passed away. So I received the role and I was told I could not take any time off due to training. And a little god of brother of mine passed away and I did not have the choice, so to speak, to leave the training to go to the funeral, because it was commanded that one needed to be there throughout the whole training. And then I got to see how low my life had got, that I didn't even have choices that I felt were real choices that meant that I could keep my home and live like a human being, doing the things that one would do as a human being does. That I have been used to. The funeral came I was in training at the time and it went, not without the initial judgment from family and so as to why I wasn't attending. I did my best with what I had and what I knew to do.

Speaker 1: 18:47

That was July of last year, 50th birthday coming, and honestly, I didn't have time to think about it because I had so many months of very little money coming in before getting the part-time role, the only thing I was thinking of was how best I could increase my income so that I could plug the hole. The house was still here, as I was told on the astrological forum, there would be leaks, plumbing issues, and it all happened. Fortunately, my home has three bathrooms, so as one went, the other one could be used. The house remained. I remained able to sleep and be comfortable, and that's all I had in my mind. You know, please do not let me lose my home.

Speaker 1: 19:50

Self-worth challenged, I kept on watching for signs of success, waiting for things to improve. Nothing, nothing at all. So as we came on to my 50th birthday, by then so many people had lent me money yet to pay back, and it seems that everyone was more excited about my 50th coming than me and I was at all, and in their excitement I had a couple of offers in 2024 as to others sending me on a holiday because they felt that I needed a holiday, which I said I could not do because I was barely managing to pay my bills, wasn't managing on a lot of occasions to do so and, interestingly, the offers to send me on holiday was not matched by offers to help pay my bills. So it was an interesting time and it seemed to be that more energy was put towards the fact and idea that I should celebrate than what my personal circumstances were. It was a sad time than what my personal circumstances were. It was a sad time. However, I followed suit and I arranged a meeting via WhatsApp. In fact, I spent the day making a cake for myself that I've wanted to make for years and it was quite therapeutic doing so. Frasier cake is what I made. It was quite a lengthy process, very therapeutic, and at the end of the day I was feeling so bad, but I was able to do the WhatsApp meeting and we did our hurrahs. Happy birthday, I was left to face the bills and so that needed to be paid. Happy 50th birthday to me.

Speaker 1: 22:02

There was no release, there was nothing from the universe really to show progress. To me, it just felt like a complete crash in my life. To me, it just felt like a complete crash in my life. So we're in July 2025 now and, as I've said, a few weeks ago I didn't even know about how I was going to pay for my Wi-Fi, and we're coming to the end of the transit, the very transit I knew was coming, had no idea how it was going to affect me. I got through. I know I got through. I can feel an energy shift. The energy shift hasn't been quick or immediate and it has not come without sacrifice. As they say, pluto is easing and we're in the middle of July 2025. I am feeling a shift.

Speaker 1: 23:08

I had to put myself forward to change the job from a part-time to a full-time role so that I can actually do more than trying to float. We're talking about a change of season. Now. Astrologers talk about Pluto moving into Aquarius and how that square has actually faded. Hence my life is changing, but there's no great celebration, there's no great harvest, just a new awareness, spiritually and otherwise. And in the time that has been dark, that season that took everything away, I still showed up and through it, somehow I attracted the opportunity to become a creator network manager. That was of April of this year. In April of this year I launched a podcast. Just before I took on the creator network role, I also set up a company to help me with doing branding for myself and others brand deals.

Speaker 1: 24:34

So new beginnings seed sown over the years of drought, actually with no idea as to how they were going to sprout. I'm now ready to talk about the journey, not for sympathy, but for sovereignty. Funny enough, the creator network I have started, I have named sovereign, had to spell it slightly differently because the platform wouldn't accept the name sovereignty. Now I can say that I didn't consciously choose the drought that I've been through, but I've lived it. I say consciously, but if I am to be honest with my true beliefs right now, I do believe that we set up times and seasons even before we come into this life space.

Speaker 1: 25:28

So if I was to actually fully take ownership of my life journey, I understand this pause that I've been through was destined. Everything that I've been through has been destined, and in that knowledge I rise. In truth, I've learnt I cannot rush the season. I can only honour the season. It does not mean that if you hear a storm is coming, your only choice is to stay at home, unless, of course, that's your only choice. Right, staying in bed to avoid the season is only possible for some of us. Right, we can't opt out of seasons, but we can learn to move with them, not just in effort, but in wisdom. Even in bareness, we plant seeds, and I am now seeing the seeds, the sprouts.

Speaker 1: 26:34

If we believe our existence is pre-written, we have to understand. I have to understand part of the grand design that we all signed up to before being here moment. I understand that the times when I felt I was failing it was all part of the journey. To come back to myself, I had so many prompts and signs of things to come, I just didn't believe it. And out of that pain, out of that despair, out of many at times humiliating moments I put myself through I came upon having to borrow money from those I didn't want to, and so forth Out of it came this podcast Empowerment Diaries, my focus on building network and community, the cottage that I sit in, even though I'm isolated most of the time, and I had a plot that I waited for. Apparently it was supposed to be a 10 year waiting list, if not longer. It came in five. I had to give it back because boundaries were being overstepped, but I experienced what it was for a few weeks to have a plot in my name of my own. Maybe, when we look at it that way, I know, overall, nothing was lost. It was all part of the divine plan and what I agreed to.

Speaker 1: 29:03

In life, there is sadness, there is regret. As much as I have faith and understanding. There's a bit of disbelief as well. So have you felt as if your life was already written, like you were following a script, one that you didn't write? Maybe?

Speaker 1: 29:37

I have been thinking about the time and the season. I've also been thinking about the many people that have come into my life, those that I no longer see, we no longer connect. Some have passed away, the many characters in my life story. I think about those that are with us but for, due to ill health, can't be as present as they used to be, and that my only control is how I react to this plot of life that I created way before coming here, learning how to be in my power, breathe, embodying who it is. I am here to be being the alchemist, the transformer and taking a step back so that the idea of failure, heartbreak and all the many falls that happen along life's journey they're not necessarily punishments, but rather a way of getting myself, you and I aligned to the life that we're here to lead that come in, that act as mirrors. I think about the life experiences that come in to challenge our sense of self, even those people that are unkind to us, cruel to us, as we tap into our inner sense of self-worth and I look at how, as my sense of self increases and my power is acknowledged, I look at the ease of walking away from behavior that attempts to diminish my power, and I notice that there's less and less examples of that behaviour in my life.

Speaker 1: 32:15

We can't skip the seasons. I've learnt that now. It's taken me until 50 to realize all my life attempting to imagine things were not going on reading books, watching movies, doing other things to bypass the time, never realizing that I was not outrunning the season that I'm in. And we're not outrunning the season because the season is there to make sure that we're planting seeds, making sure that we're using the time when it's fertile to really get to the depth of who we are and to become depth of who we are and to become Be more of who we are. We are not in this life to be anything but ourselves, it seems.

Speaker 1: 33:07

I used to think if I worked harder, I could shift the season, speed it up, even do more, be more, get more Didn't work. Instead of testing my level of endurance, I was pushing myself to despair, questioning, of course, free will versus fate. How free am I if it's all pre-written? But then again, if it's pre-written, then again, if it's pre-written, one assumes that it was with free will that I chose this life path. So is it right to attempt to opt out of it when it's here and to acknowledge the power of feeling?

Speaker 1: 34:01

We are in a time, or have been, when it is believed that, regardless of how we feel, we must always affirm the positive. But, my darlings, until we are fit and really tap into how we feel. But, my darlings, until we are fit and really tap into how we feel, it's almost uncertain how positive we will be at any given time, because we tend to then distrust ourselves, distrust our feeling. Our emotions are our teachers and we are here to embrace them. Throughout all seasons. There is a power to responding with an adult mind, an open mind, taking time to breathe, with all the emotions that come in all seasons. This is how we will power through and progress season to season.

Speaker 1: 35:06

Now, as I sit here today, I do not have all the answers at all. I just have more. Today, I want to encourage you to trust your story that's unfolding. It might be we don't see the whole story until the very end, but regardless of which, trust in yourself. And if no one ever sees your growth, understand it's not about anybody else. This is our story. This is your story. This is about us becoming the best versions of ourself. Give yourself grace, as I will do. Thank you so much for listening your iflita, goddess of growth, and I encourage you in power to keep going.